Becoming Myself
by shadowedghost13
Summary: Handling life is difficult, much less trying to help other people manage their lives as well. Monica Beilschmidt has to try and work out and get through her life, that was seemingly okay so far, but also her sister's, and a possible love interest's...


She was doing it again.

If she kept doing it she would having nothing of her arms left but the bone.

Should I stop her? I should stop her.

"Hey," I announced sternly, grabbing my sister's arms, ripping it away from her other hand that had been doing nothing but tear at herself since she sat down. "Cut it out."

She looked up at me, emotionless and silent.

"Hello?" I frowned slightly in annoyance at her lack of response. "Are you ignoring me? Or did you just spontaneously become death between now and the time that you sat down next to me, ten minutes ago?"

She sighed and brushed her silvery hair out of her eyes, giving out an airy chuckle towards me, of which had no enthusiasm like her usual tone. "Sorry."

Her apology was sincere and quiet. She was upset again.

I sighed and released the iron grip that had held onto her pale limb during this lovely conversation. "The eczema won't go away by picking at it. You're making it worse and you know that." I reminded with what appears to be my signature "ice cold stare".

"I know." She laughed lightly.

It was a sad laugh.

"Then why do you insist on doing it, Julchen?" I questioned.

"Bad habit, I guess." She smiled over at me, fiddling with the zipper on her sky blue hoodie. The same one she wore everyday.

Her smile was fake.

Silence surrounded us again as she went back to staring at her red and irritated arms, and I, back to watching our dog play with a sock that had fallen off of our couch from the clothes pile that was upon it.

"Something's bothering you." I finally blurted, looking straight at her. "What is it?"

"Hm?" Julchen looked up from her arm and turned to face me so her back was leaning against the arm rest of the couch. "Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?

A look of irritation crossed my face once more. "You pick at your arms whenever you're upset. Plus you're voice is quiet and you didn't even try to push me away when I grabbed your arm. Don't play games with me, Julchen. Something is wrong and you and I both know it, so spill."

"Hah," Julchen's eyes watered. "You just know me too well, don't cha? Can't get anything by you..." She looked up at me, her ruby eyes big and sorrowful.

My expression remained unchanged. She was trying to avoid talking. Her smile and laugh were cries of help.

Julchen's fake smile quickly disappeared in defeat. "I miss him, Moni...he's never coming back..."

I felt my heart crack at the reminder of him, and the look of pain across my sister's face. It was hard to see her so upset. She was usually so strong about things like this. But it had been a month since he died, and she was still distraught. There wasn't a single blanket or pillow that belonged to her, that hadn't been stained with some form of sadness.

"H-he's..." Her shoulders heaved a bit and she hung her head to hide her face, however, unable to hide the tears that fell. "Not...coming back."

I frowned and scooted towards her, wrapping my arms around her shaking shoulders, uncomfortably so. I was never a fan of hugs, but she was in desperate need of one.

I felt her arms wrap around my waist in acceptance to the hug. That's when the heavy sobs vibrated against my chest that she had buried her face in. The fabric in my favorite Rammstein t-shirt grew wet at a very fast pace, due to the many tears that she was shedding. I ignored the discomforting feeling of wet fabric, and rubbed her back.

"I miss Vati too..." I whispered to her, resting my chin atop her head, keeping my mind on her and not the fact that her hair was everywhere in my face...in my mouth... "I'm here..." I reminded.

Julchen nodded and held on tightly to the fabric of my shit, pinching my skin slightly.

It took about ten more minutes of comfort and funny stories for my older sister to be laughing and smiling again.

"I remember that!" Julchen laughed. "I loved that trip to the lake!"

I smiled a bit and nodded. "I didn't think you'd remember..."

"How could I forget?" She smiled and put her hair up in the messiest bun I had ever seen. "It took me forever to get you in the water! I had to bribe you with a trip to that ice cream shop you loved, in order to get you in the water with me! You were so cute back then." She laughed happily at the memory.

I blushed a bit and crossed my arms. "I'm not cute."

"Not anymore!"

I rolled my eyes and stood up, slipping on my bright yellow flip flops that Vati bought me, a week before his passing. "Do you want anything while I'm out? I have to go and pick up more dog food for Penny, so if you want anything, tell me now." I informed. She had this fantastic idea that it was okay to ask for something when I was on my way home.

"Uhhh..." Julchen leaned back into the couch and grabbed her favorite blanket that she draped over the edge. "Can you get me a Monster, and a bag of Gummy Worms?"

"Monsters are bad for you, ya know."

"Well I drink 'em all the time and I'm not dead yet!"

"You're impossible." I responded and grabbed my keys and wallet from the counter in the kitchen, before leaving in my truck to go to Pet Co.

The cool air from the store caused me to shiver as I entered, heading straight for the dog food.

I didn't get too far before my attention was caught by two girls arguing over by where the kittens were located.

Well... It wasn't much of an argument. It was more of just yelling by one of the girls, while the other girl coward into her MCR sweatshirt.

"But I really want it-"

"No!" The girl that was yelling cut in.

They looked similar. not like twins, but it was obvious that they were related. The girl that continued to holler at the other, had a darker, burnt color to her hair, and she wore it down -not to mention she looked much angrier than the other. The other girl, who appeared to be her sister, had a lighter chestnut color, and wore her hair up in a bouncy ponytail, held together with a bright yellow bow. The same color as my flip flops.

"Oh, come on, Lovina!" The bouncier girl whined at her, holding up a small kitten with orange fur. "It's so cute! Just look at it!"

"Yeah. It looks just as stupid as the other two beasts you have at home-" The angry girl's glare cast upon me as she took notice I was listening in.

Crap.

"Oi! Bastard! Do you mind going on about your business and keeping your nose out of ours?" She hissed coldly.

I felt heat rush to my cheeks in realization that I'd been staring at them. "Ja! Sorry!" I responded and moved along to avoid her stare any longer. "Stupid..." I muttered to myself. "You know better than to stare at people...how rude..." I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

People made me royally uncomfortable. Especially talking to them.

I reached the dog food and bent down to look at the brands, searching for the one that I always bought. "Ah, here it is." I pulled the Blue Buffalo brand of dog food off of the shelf, and hugged it against my chest in order not to drop it. "Now..just pay for this, get what Julchen wants, and go home..." I repeated my mental list out loud at a barely audible level. In the process of turning to walk to the register, I bumped into someone and dropped the bag on my toes.

"Ow!" I grunted and yanked the bag off, grabbing my foot to check to see if it was okay.

"Ah!" A panicky squeal emerged from in front of me. "I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy!"

I sighed in frustration and frowned at my foot, putting it back down

"It's fine. Just...be more careful next time yo-" My heart stopped when I looked up.

It was the girl I saw moments ago, the happier one, that is. Now that she was close up...

She was beautiful.

Heat engulfed my cheeks again, and I gulped.

She had full lips, but not too big. Her curves fit her face and he slightly chubby cheeks well, and it was cute that a bit of her belly peeked from beneath her sweatshirt as she adjusted it.

And her eyes...

Boy, did her eyes sparkle, with their light honey-like color.

"Are you okay?" She blinked up at me, holding her hands behind her back.

"Er...uh..um...j-ja.." I stammered and picked up the bag. "Just watch where you're going next time..." I scolded.

"Of course!" She nodded, although she shrunk a little at my words. "W-well in the first place I came over to apologize about m Lovina! She yells a lot... I'm sure she didn't mean it though!" She smiled innocently at me.

"Mm." I grunted and nodded curtly. "It's fine."

She was silent for less than a mili-second, before opening her mouth again. "My name is Feliciana! My mamma wanted to name me Daisy, but my papa liked Feliciana better, so Daisey is my middle name!" She chirped.

Okay. She was starting to become annoying.

"What is your name?" She questioned and looked over me, quizzically.

"Monica." I replied, walking to the register to where I would hopefully be rid of her.

"Really?" She beamed as if it were something special. That's such a pretty name for such a pretty bella!"

I blushed as she followed along side me.

Was she flirting with me? Or was she always like this?

I set the bag of dog food on the check out counter. The lady gave me a questioning look as she scanned the bag.

Probably for the fact that the girl beside me was rambling non-stop about random things I didn't really care about. I barely new her, and now she was talking to me like we were good childhood friends.

"...and kittens! I love kittens! I wanted the orange one over there but my sorella said no... But it's okay because she bought me a bag of gummy worms and oreo cookies! I just love those! Oh! And tonight she is making spaghetti for dinner-"

"I have to go." I cut in and picked up the bag, exiting the store as fast as possible.

"Oh...Bye!" I heard her voice call from behind me.

'What was her deal? I don't care about any of that stuff...' I thought as I drove to the store.

She causes me to drop the food I was paying for and then acts like we're friends...

I shivered again as I walked into Walmart. "It's even colder in here..." I mumbled under my breath. I walked past all of the people that stared at me. It was probably because it was autumn and I was wearing summer clothing. "Okay!" I checked off another item on my mental list as I plucked the can of Monster off the shelf, and headed over to the candy isle.

I chuckled to myself as I thought of how picky I knew my sister was. I knew for a fact the gummy worms had to be Black Forest brand, or she'd throw them away.

I Personally didn't think it mattered. Food was food.

As I picked up the bag of candy, mentally scolding Julchen for picking such unhealthy items, I blushed as my thoughts returned to the girl with the bright eyes, and smile. She was so...cute..

Didn't she say something about gummy worms?


End file.
